Friday, March 25, 2011

Today SHE would be 4...



Today is a day unlike any other. Today is our beautiful baby, Lilia's birthday. Today she would be 4, I cannot believe that 4 years have gone by since the last time I held her and she was with us. It can't be... I feel like it was yesterday I was able to say, Hello, and then sadly say, Goodbye. I tell myself that after 4 years this should be easier, I shouldn't be as emotional or sad. But every year on this day I take the time to remember ever minute I did spend with her. I don't talk about Lilia very often but I think about her every day. I miss her every day. Just this last week I was teaching piano lessons and one of my students was playing, Families Can Be Together Forever, and I had to fight off the tears. For me, I know this to be true. We will one day be able to hold her and take care of her. She will be able to meet her brothers and sister and they will know her. I don't usually share many of the sentiments from that time but I want to share the words of my mother in law, Anne Davey. She spoke at Lilia's Funeral and this is what she said.

Lilia Sue Shafenberg

For 8 months I tried to convince Emily to name this baby after me & her Mother, Lisa. But, Emily was unwavering, and of course she could articulate exactly why the name Lilia was perfect! Emily’s favorite flower is the calla lily. Aaron’s favorite bible passage is Matthew 6:28 – “Consider the lilies of the field how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin”. Aaron & Emily’s marriage blessing was adorned with beautiful calla lilies. And of course, Aydan could easily pronounce the name “LILI”. So, just as her parents intended, Lilia was indeed, a perfect name for a perfect child!

L – I – L – I – A.

L – is for the LOVE this family had for Lilia long, long before she arrived. We knew her scheduled birth date. We knew her name. The nursery was perfectly decorated. This family could not wait to share their love with Lilia!

I – is for the INNOCENCE of a child. Completely unstained by the flaws of our world, Lilia is now bathed in the pure white of GOD’s love.

L – is for the LASTING memories this family will have of our beautiful Lilia. Her full head of hair, her long feet, her cleft chin and her perfect fingers and toes. Although we had only a few hours with her, those hours produced a lifetime of memories!

I – is for the INFINITE wisdom and mercy of GOD. However difficult to understand, we now place our trust in HIS plan.

A – is for this ANGEL sent to Aaron, Emily and Aydan Shafenberg. A gift on loan, now back home with GOD.

Lilia we love you and miss you and can't wait to see you again, but for now we know our Heavenly Father is holding you and taking care of you until we meet again.


14 comments:

The Ravsten's said...

I think you are amazing. Thanks for your example. I can't wait to hold my baby again either. Happy birthday to Lilia. Sweet baby girl.

Christy {The Girl Who Ate Everything} said...

Oh Emily that post was so sweet. I wish I could have met her. She really is beautiful and perfect. I'm not sure if it ever gets easier but maybe more peace comes.

Jill Heaps said...

Emily, what a beautiful tribute to such a special and sweet baby! thank you for sharing and for not being afraid to talk about her. I have heard you NEVER get over losing a child. The pain just seems to get buried deeper with time. She would want you to remember her and she would be so proud of her Mommy for being such an amazing person and living your life so that you CAN be with her again.
I am thinking of you and praying for you!

Stephanie Warner said...

Emily that made me cry just reading. I am so grateful that you know eternal families. You are so strong. Happy Birthday Lilia!

anne said...

Happy Birthday LSS!

MEG said...

I got home and read it... and I'm sitting here crying. I can't believe your Lilia would have been four today. I don't think I'll ever understand why awful things happen to wonderful people. The gospel does provide some comfort, but it will never make you forget or stop wishing that you had more time with your sweet angel here on Earth. I am amazed by your strength and positive attitude, and I know it is only the tip of the ice burg when it concerns your suffering. I love you Emily, and although I don't understand it, I know that there are wonderful things in store for you and your beautiful family. I trust that our Heavenly Father will make sure of that.

MEG

Jenn said...

Emily, I remember when Mindy told me about Lilia, I cried then and I cried again now. The Atonement and gospel is such wonderful knowledge and gives great peace. She is beautiful!

Vehars said...

Thank you for sharing that!

Linnea said...

I have heard it said that parents who lose their babies too soon are very special people who have been given a very special gift. It probably doesn't feel like a gift, but this life is but a blink compared to the time you KNOW you will have with your Lilia. She is a very lucky little girl to be blessed to have parents like you.

Mindelicious said...

Love you guys. Love Anne and her sweet words. Love Baby Lilia.

The Queen Vee said...

Emily I love you. Some of our trials just seem so unfair and difficult, losing a child has to be one of the hardest. It's okay to mourn, I mourn with you.

Anonymous said...

Love you sweets ..clay

Celeste said...

Hey Emily,
Just sitting her bawling because I can empathize with the way you feel. Kenley would be 6 this year and I feel the same way. Those were beautiful words and memories, thanks for sharing!
Celeste

Carrie Carp said...

What a perfect thought... Thank you for sharing :)